tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
