then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
