Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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