Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
