I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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