she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
