Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
