I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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