He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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