i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
