see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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