Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
