Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
