I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
