whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
