Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
