Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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