Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
