its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
