i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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