Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
