I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
