she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize