I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
