I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
