and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
