It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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