dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
