I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
