he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're a waste of cheezeits
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
