Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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