she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
