high people should be assigned attendants
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
