I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
