i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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