I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
