Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
