drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
