Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
