Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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