im drinking this country out of the recession.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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