Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
