Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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