I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
