the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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