there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
