It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize