it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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