I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Vodka?
Forever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
