i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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