Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
