How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
