it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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