I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
