did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
