There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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