my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize