Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
