checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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