I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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