I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
