I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
