brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize