and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
