All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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