You're completely useless in the revolution.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize