Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
