i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
