am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
