yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
