tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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