just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
