My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
