I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
