I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
