I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
