If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Holy sore nipples Batman
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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